-Originally published January 8, 2016-
My family has a habit of releasing our Christmas card after the holidays are over as sort of a New Years thing. Here is this year's letter:
Happy holidays from the Kunz family! We maintain the firmly held belief that the holidays are a time for giving, celebrating, and eating, so we made a conscious choice to delay our Christmas card till after the new year. (Or it could be that we procrastinated, which, if you think about it, is also sort of a Christmas tradition.) Either way, happy New Year!
2015 was an exciting time in the Kunz family. Dad (Eric) is still a CPA. He’s holding out hope that at least one of his children will follow his footsteps into the fast-paced, action-packed world of accounting. Despite the multitude of blockbuster movies about suave, womanizing accountants who do people’s taxes while dodging bad guys in sports cars, he has yet to convince any of the kids of the job’s appeal.
Mom (Trisha) spends most of her time quilting, cooking, and keeping her younger children busy, except recently when she spent ten hours on the phone trying to reset her iTunes password. In the process, she bonded with the technician who fielded her calls. Tanikia, from Apple Tech Support, recently broke up with her boyfriend. Despite logging enough hours with Mom on the phone to qualify as an honorary member of the family, she is regrettably absent from our Christmas card picture.
Ryan works as a copywriter for an ad agency and lives in Salt Lake City, where he mostly just writes the family Christmas card every year. In other exciting news, he finally figured out the lyrics to the chorus of Jimmy Eat World’s 2001 hit “The Middle.”
Reilly and Briana got some exciting news this year: they’re expecting a little baby boy next May. Though they’re still taking suggestions for names, they’re currently leaning toward Kylo Ren, Donald Trump, or—for a nice, classic Biblical twist—Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz.
Connor continues to explore the outdoors whenever he has time off from school, slowly building up a small outfitter store’s worth of gear. He recently won the respect of a pack of wolves after staring their leader in the eyes until it backed down.
Dillon returned at the end of the summer from an LDS mission to Canada. He has since exhibited disturbing foreign mannerisms, like referring to restrooms as “washrooms,” exercising restraint when eating meat, and regarding curling as a legitimate sport.
Abigail relinquished her title as Miss Idaho’s Outstanding Teen this year and is a junior in high school. She is actively campaigning for more sisters-in-law, and her ever-dutiful single brothers are diligently working to oblige her, their quest toward matrimony motivated by nothing but undying love for their sister.
Quinn is still the youngest sibling, a status that is unlikely to change any time soon. Having ruthlessly devoured his twin in the womb, he has double the wit, speed, and charisma you would expect from someone of his age.
Happy New Year! We look forward to 2016. Stay tuned for next year’s holiday letter! We promise it won’t be boring.
